Senior Citizen Hospitalized After Church Greeter Lets Door Hit Her

Destin, FL — A senior citizen at First Methodist Church got the surprise of her life last Sunday morning. The woman, who had attended the church for forty-seven years, took an unexpected trip to the hospital after a new greeter let the door hit her on her way into the sanctuary.

Martha Dobbins is in stable condition after a new volunteer left his post to check out a friend’s newly acquired Ford Pinto. The twenty-four year old greeter is on a two week suspension as the ministry tries to recover from the worst senior citizen injury in ten years.

“Never in my life have I seen young people who were so preoccupied with things like Facesmask and Twipper,” Martha said before turning back to the daytime viewing of Wheel of Fortune. “Back in my day, young men knew how to hold open a door for their elder,” she quipped.

The church has since decided to take preventative measures to ensure that all volunteers get the training that they need before serving for the first time. Rev. Andrew Wobblenot had this to say, “We have taken every step to ensure that such a heinous injury never happens again on our watch. After many committee and subcommittee meetings, we have chosen to move our training online through TrainedUp so that what happened to Ms. Martha never has to happen to anyone else.”

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**This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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